Why are Relationships such hard work?
If you’ve ever yearned for a connection, wanted more intimacy in your relationship, or worried that you and your partner are falling out of love – then Imago Relationships are here to help.
Conflict can push people away from each other or pull them into a closer, more loving union; it can bring about a complete disconnect or one of unity and a deeper mutual understanding. Few people accept the fact that conflict is part of life and actually provides an opportunity for self-growth and development.
One in two marriages will end in divorce…so what are the top factors contributing to this trend and how can this trend be reversed?
Most couples do not know how to create and sustain connection. They tend to focus on personal needs rather than the relationships needs. Divorce occurs when the relationship does not meet their needs. The major cure for divorce is to make the relationship top priority rather than each other’s needs.
The major attitude change is openness to new awareness and information and to mutually take responsibility for the difficulties in the marriage. Couples co-create their difficulties, and they need to know they can co-create improvement. The major skill is to learn how to communicate in a safe way so that they can relax their defenses and be open and vulnerable with each other.
The specific communication problem most couples experience is being negative with each other—put downs, criticism, shaming and blaming. Each partner tends to want the other to see things their way and each has difficulty accepting that there are always two realities.
Childhood has a great impact on a marital relationship as the drama in marriage is a replay of the trauma of childhood and we pick our partners sub consciously to help each other finish childhood. Conflict is growth trying to happen and each partner uses conflict to try to get something done that their partner can only do in another way.
This can be seen with every frustration that produces conflict as this is a wish or need in disguise. To strengthen marriage, partners need to translate the frustration into the desired need, communicate this need with direction by asking for what they want instead of complaining about what they do not have, and then each has to stretch into giving this to the other unconditionally.
The secret to a happy marriage is to learn how to communicate more effectively, embrace differences, end all negativity in all forms and on all occasions and replace this with unconditional acceptance and affirmation. There is a paradox that when we meet the needs of our partner, our own needs are met by that very same act. When that is mutual, then each partner receives the gift they give as well as the one they so desire.
Imago Relationship theory explains why the differences which often lead to frustrations in a relationship are actually a natural part of our growth process and how we communicate with each other. When we select a partner, it is the result of an unconscious match between a mental image of our parents/caretakers, created in childhood (called Imago) and certain character traits of our attracted partner that we identify with.
Introduction to Imago Relationship Therapy:
Introduction to Imago Relationship Therapy is a 3hr ‘mini’ workshop providing an overview of Imago Theory and principles and how this can help improve communication in your personal relationships with your partner and children and in the professional world.
If you are currently not in a relationship, the personal insights and tools gained will give you a good grounding for your next relationship.
Date: Sat 8 May 2010 – 14:00-17:00
Place: Lonehill, Johannesburg
Cost: R150pp
Book early as spaces are limited to 10 people to ensure a personal, interactive session.