Seeing Each Others Pain Rabbi Zelig
When people are in emotional pain/conflict, they tend to speak and act in ways that sound angry and aggressive. And if we, too, are in emotional pain, we are likely to react to the other person in similar ways that they perceive as angry and aggressive. Each person adds to the emotional pain of the other, and the distress of everyone involved keeps increasing.
Conflict can push people away from each other or pull them into a closer, more loving union; it can bring about a complete disconnect or one of unity and a deeper mutual understanding. Few people accept the fact that conflict is part of life and actually provides an opportunity for self-growth and development.
When we are calm, it’s easier to see the emotional pain of others and have compassion. Our focus should be on having enough compassion that even when we are personally experiencing emotional pain, we are able to be sensitive to the emotional pain of the other person with whom we are interacting.
What we teach our children
Very little time is spent teaching children how to form and cultivate healthy relationships. They learn how to relate to others primarily from watching their parents (as we did) and watching TV or movies. So little is taught about choosing friends and lovers, and yet a person’s relationships are arguably the most important aspects of his or her life.
We expect our children to choose wisely and act responsibly but few of us are deliberate and intentional about providing ourselves with the necessary tools to do this let alone our children. We may give them little lessons about sex and friendship and how to recover from heartbreak, but are we diligent about teaching effective communication skills and constructive (vs. destructive) conflict resolution?
Imago Relationship theory explains why the differences which often lead to frustrations in a relationship are actually a natural part of our growth process and how we communicate with each other. When we select a partner, it is the result of an unconscious match between a mental image of our parents/caretakers, created in childhood (called Imago) and certain character traits of our attracted partner that we identify with.
The definition of Imago (ih-MAH-go) is Latin for “Image of Love”. It comes from the people that first loved us—our dominant male and female care givers and is made up of smells, tastes, feelings, thoughts, experiences and our unconscious. We take in the positives and negatives of each of these and they shape who we become and the types of relationships we have.
Whether you want to enrich a good relationship, are starting a new relationship, in a difficult relationship and want to resolve conflicts, or near break-up or divorce and want to decide if the relationship can be saved, then Imago is for you. Using insights from brain studies and major psychological research, we can help you look at the story of your relationships in a fresh way.
Introduction to Imago Relationship Therapy:
A 3hr ‘mini’ workshop providing an overview of Imago Theory and principles and how this can help improve communication in your personal relationships with your partner and children and in the professional world.
If you are currently not in a relationship, the personal insights and tools gained will give you a good grounding for your next relationship.
Date: Sat 27 March 2010 – 14:00-17:00
Place: Lonehill, Johannesburg
Cost: R150pp
Book early as spaces are limited to ensure a personal, interactive session.