Energy Follows Intention by Julie Gallinat
In every relationship there are two co-existing realities: the reality of negativity that exists between two people, and the reality of positivity that exists between two people. If one outweighs the other, it can feel as if the other doesn’t exist at all! When things are going badly in a relationship, we can lose sight of the positive rather quickly, but it doesn’t mean it’s not there; our ability to see and experience it has been hijacked by the bad. It is possible to balance our focus and to recognize when and where things are going well, even when things between us feel 
overwhelmingly bad …and that takes intention!
John Gottman, professor of psychology, researcher and author, says that happy couples follow the 5:1 Principle – when one has said or done something negative to their partner, in order to bring their relationship back into balance they must then say or do five positive things to their partner!.
Any situation that we find ourselves in is an outward reflection of our inner state of beingness. Our world mirrors who we are back to us. The people we are in a relationship with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs, and simultaneously we are mirrors reflecting their beliefs. So relationships are one of the most powerful tools for growth… if we look honestly at our relationships we can see so much about how we have created them.
We have both strengths and weaknesses, positive qualities and faults – and so does the person we marry. We have a unique life history; you came from a specific family – and so did your spouse/partner. You have a unique genetic makeup, with a unique combination of intellect and emotions – and so does every other human being on our planet. Our temperament, personality, communication style, and a myriad of other factors need to interact with the temperament, personality, and communication style of our spouse/partner. This will inevitably create many challenges. Our response(s) to these challenges will either create problems, pain, and quarrels… or will be the source of great spiritual and emotional elevation.
Couples don’t generally go to see a marriage therapist until they are knee deep in negativity and their relationship is in serious trouble. One of the first things to focus on is to bring the relationship back into balance where each person in the relationship can see and feel the good that exists alongside the bad. Bringing the relationship into as close a balance as is possible ensures that the work that needs to be done has a chance of being successful.
Whether or not you are considering marriage therapy, your relationship can benefit from the 5:1 Principle. As mentioned earlier, in every relationship there are two co-existing realities. When you intentionally do any positive change no matter how small, you will experience a shift in your relationship. It won’t make that which needs working on disappear, but it will bring your relationship into greater balance, making the work that lies ahead much easier.
Whatever we focus on grows; energy follows intention. When things feel difficult, we tend to focus only on the difficult. To bring a relationship into balance, one needs to also focus on the positive. Exercise intentionality in your relationship and start improving your relationship today!
Imago Relationship theory explains why the differences which often lead to frustrations in a relationship are actually a natural part of our growth process and how we communicate with each other. When we select a partner, it is the result of an unconscious match between a mental image of our parents/caretakers, created in childhood (called Imago) and certain character traits of our attracted partner that we identify with.
Introduction to Imago Relationship Therapy:
Introduction to Imago Relationship Therapy is a 3hr ‘mini’ workshop providing an overview of Imago Theory and principles and how this can help improve communication in your personal relationships with your partner and children and in the professional world.
If you are currently not in a relationship, the personal insights and tools gained will give you a good grounding for your next relationship.
Date: Sat 29 Jan 2011 – 14:00-17:00
Place: Fourways/Bryanston
Cost: R200pp
Book early as spaces are limited to ensure a personal, interactive session.