Communicating with Your Partner courtesy of the Marriage Garden.
We communicate any time we share meaning. While communication often involves words, they are not required. For example, when mom and dad tiptoe into their sleeping child’s room, admire them asleep and smile at each other, they have communicated without even saying a word.
Or when one partner provides the other with an admiring glance or gentle touch, there has been communication. When people roll their eyes, hug, walk away, blow a kiss, huff, smile, clench their teeth, hold hands or shake their heads they communicate.
Early in a romantic relationship we generally talk often and listen wholeheartedly. We also tend to hug, hold hands and show lots of affection. Later in that relationship we sometimes use communication only for business or disagreements. That is unfortunate.
One of the best uses of communication may be for people to share the simple events of their day. Each person can share their joys and frustrations of the day. One should listen to what the other has to say and try to appreciate what those events meant to their partner. A few minutes of mere chatting can strengthen a relationship almost as much as a trip to Hawaii!
We never fully get someone else’s meaning. I surely don’t understand how you feel about the flowers you planted. You probably don’t understand how I feel about my boss. But it builds the relationship when we listen and try to understand what the other person is feeling. We can empathize by asking questions, listening carefully and describing what we think our partner is feeling.
Some things don’t need to be said. It may be completely true that your partner has a funny nose or thinning hair. But talking about it may only hurt their feelings. Wise communication requires that some things simply don’t need to be said.
Talks about difficult issues should be conducted when both parties are feeling good. When a couple tries to tackle their most difficult issues at a time when one or both are tired and angry, the result is almost certain to be destructive. A discussion can turn into a battle. Sharing a cheerful request is more likely to build the relationship and get a positive response – than making an angry accusation.
We can find ways to make problem-solving more productive. Learning to stay calm and listening carefully to a partner’s concerns and ideas. Communication can keep people in touch with each other and strengthen their relationships when used with wisdom and kindness.
Working together to build a talk-time ritual can strengthen your relationship. One of the most important parts of communication is the effort to understand the other’s point of view. Whether the subject is happy or contentious, it can be productive if one tries to understand what the other person is feeling. When we try to understand someone else’s feelings, our listening helps that person make sense of his or her experience and helps that person find better answers even when we give no advice. It also can help us better understand the other person.
Imago Relationship theory explains why the differences which often lead to frustrations in a relationship are actually a natural part of our growth process and how we communicate with each other. Using insights from brain studies and major psychological research, we can help you look at the story of your relationship in a fresh way. Whether you want to enrich a good relationship, are starting a new relationship, in a difficult relationship and want to resolve conflicts, or near break-up or divorce and want to decide if the relationship can be saved, then Imago is for you.
Introduction to Imago Relationship Therapy:
A 3hr ‘mini’ workshop providing an overview of Imago Theory and principles and how this can help improve communication in your personal relationships with your partner and children and in the professional world. If you are currently not in a relationship, the personal insights and tools gained will give you a good grounding for your next relationship.
Date: Sat 20 Feb 2010 – 14:00-17:00
Place: Lonehill, Johannesburg
Cost: R150pp
Book early as spaces are limited to ensure a personal, interactive session.