In every relationship there are two co-existing realities: the reality of negativity and positivity that exist between two people. If one outweighs the 
other, it can feel as if the other doesn’t exist at all! When things are going badly in a relationship, we can lose sight of the positive rather quickly, but it doesn’t mean it’s not there; our ability to see and experience it has been hijacked by the bad.
Pain and conflict of committed relationships arise not out of lack of love for our partners, but from a misunderstanding of what love relationships are about. All relationships go through predictable stages. When we fall in love we are unconsciously expecting our partner to fulfill all of our needs. When this romantic illusion fades, we tend to develop negative feelings and blame our partner. We think or say things like, “you’ve changed,” or “you’re not the person I married.”
In reality the relationship is changing—predictably—and our unwillingness to change with it and grow together can threaten the relationship. But if we recognize our conflict as an indication of growth trying to occur, then our relationship can be a catalyst for our own healing and wholeness.
The same applies to any other relationship – family, friends, groups and the work environment. Because each person has their own identity and unique personality, and this is where disconnect can happen.
Conflict is a feeling of disconnect and this fear of ‘disconnection’ puts us in survival mode where we project, provoke or get the other person to act like the person we want them to be (subconscious from past hurts). The biggest obstacle is overcoming the way we have learnt to ‘protect’ ourselves.
We all know how to think and talk but, we have forgotten how to think and talk on a feeling and emotional level. When we feel ‘safe’, we lower our defenses and experience a sense of completeness and bliss (inner peace).
When a disconnect starts to happen, a power struggle inevitably ensues. This often leads to chronic conflict, a co-existing marriage/relationship. Divorce or exiting a relationship does not get rid of the pain (stemming from our childhood wounds), it merely transfers it to the next relationship until a conscious growth occurs.
Think about your life – relationships, work, friends, family or children and note where there is conflict. Where does the same issue, theme or topic keep recurring?
Where there is conflict, there is a deeper pain and that is where growth/healing is trying to happen. Conflict tells us that we are at war! Yes, that we are at war with something or someone.
Imago Relationship therapy provides a way to help two people achieve insight into conflict areas and where they are being sourced from (childhood wound) resulting in a conscious healing relationship – and this applies to all areas of our life.
If the Imago principles and tools are applied sincerely, consciously and willingly, one can gain:
- greater compassion.
- new communication skills to break destructive, repetitive cycles.
- channel your energy from arguing to rather create passion and stability in your relationship/s.
- discover how the unconscious forces that attract you to your partner are also the source of your conflict and can be overcome.
For more information on the Imago Couples Dialogue process, click here